New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
