i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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