um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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