Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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