Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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