God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
