I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
