My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
