she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
