that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
