This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
