Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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