If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
