Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
