You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
