he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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