he wants to bone in the snuggie
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
vagina is talking i cant
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
