My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
