He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
