You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
