he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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