we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
