I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
