I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
