i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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