when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
