I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Even my vagina gasped.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
