I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize