Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
