GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize