I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
