New invention idea: vibrating tampons
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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