Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
