not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
