I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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