I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
