...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
