Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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