Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
