Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
