the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
