the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
