my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
