Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
