how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
