All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
