what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
