i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
