I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
