maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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