it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
love makes seman taste better
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
