Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
