You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
