I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
