i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
