The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
