so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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