Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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