i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
