i wish starbucks made bloody marys
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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