im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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