Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
