im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
