i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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