its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
