she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
