This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize