One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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