im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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