dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
